journal entry concerning smoking cigarettes

This will be posted in my blog and my daily smoking journal because there is redundancy about.

Today I did not smoke a cigarette and felt good about it. I also wrote an article for a new program called CHOICES that is about rejecting tobacco and letting ppl know that anyone can quit smoking. My friend Ken came over and we watched a Neil Young dvd from 78 re-mastered. He was so Young in the video. Went shopping at a food store and made a frozen pizza in the oven that Ken and I split in two. My friend Britta has been calling now and then and my wife needs a call right around now. well I just called her and they were outside smoking cigarettes wouldn't you know called a couple other ppl then got back on the computer we are planing a complete C Hard Drive erase tonight but my friend never came over because he lost his car keys... he told me to sleep and then call him when I wake up. but replied one more redundancy then I would think about it. Not much has change except my attitude today the moon is in Gemini and when i was born the moon was in Gemini so there you go... this will not last and this will pass... but for now I will keep falling in to my body as it is ... now I plan to have coffee and do the right thing that I need to do....

12 heart beats that just happened to hurt my feelings

spurting blood thru my veins up and down my body...the pain came with every beat and the last twelve hurt the most as i remember it they are the moment I'm in where this is happening I am running from my feelings and my my does the pain hurt when I slow down to feel the last 12 beats of hurt emotions with my; whole heart that aches like a sick dog spreading disease as the pain grows it is shared and lessoned in the lessons of life that teach us to know what is right and feel what is real beat the pain from my broken hearted tortured life that resembles blue sorrow as i manage a sorry existence that makes mankind indifferent to the plight of my life.

this picture is rather large for the larger verson email me 1024 X 1024 

this was the background of the email that did not make the background of the blog entry but things do get better as time becomes realized in a fluxual way of being 

one another in another way

We go we arrive we are born to die they say what they want and do nothing till the void is full and echoes of sound ripples still I know that happiness is a dream that makes us pretend that we are pleased to serve the endless crackling sounds of rain inside our head aches where we can't breath the air or open our eyes to the too bright lights that burn our acid filled stomach we have to dissolve our food which eats away at meat and vegetables forced down our throat like a Billy Goat that makes an apple out of its boat lost at sea forever the days go by, making the ride of waves crazy and lazy long hard days again alone with no beach in sight where the waves wash the clothes clean that smell like the fish in the sea ... we don't learn we don't forget that place where nothing ends and it all began for the force of dreams poetry and the power of rational logic with vast expanses of empty parking lots that want their cars to come home happy and safe we take another look at mirror seeing the demons of my aliens enter into my body together at last the final breath of the model netizen in zazen using weapons of the tongue, letter, word, sentence where riddles abide by the laws of paradox.

bent on embers of life screaming with joy and freedom lessons in deaths end a bardo we go into the blue sky right by the edge of the universe where the games end reality makes a stance to grow into the dripping moon opens it's mind as the earth escaped the grip of a ship that is passing to close to notice the new born sun. A son of sun's son void of sun spots less is best said about the rest as I rest over my body I look into my eyes I dive in where I'll die for sure but the bardo pulls me into the real of it all falling I will, that is one too many times I've anded the and word as of course you have heard the absurd for now this email will end as i plan to edit, send, pretend once more I'm not on the floor of... but as in place I hide in the fire escape on fire again between the ice and light of nights day.

blog test one failed

blog test one failed because the image in the background did not post in the back ground so it will be entered separately

Xoet [11:28 A.M.]: i want out of this computer and into the world where real people are real and the sound of rain fallin in the sky {7-30-2005}

Xoet [11:35 A.M.]: distractions from the obvious life that need to find the

Xoet [11:36 A.M.]: explosions in my minds eye where my creator knows i am

Xoet [11:39 A.M.]: i spin then burn into memories of what i was and what i am not

Xoet [11:42 A.M.]: divining the divine and losing my mind the void explodes into nothingness and all becomes one

Xoet [11:44 A.M.]: one big zero of humilities freedom fight with endless melodies making the room shake and shatter

Xoet [11:45 A.M.]: Broken sounds the do and don't high and low as everything gets judged in my mirror of me

typical IM chatter later i react to my plight ...

lost my thumb again in a fight with the bathroom faucet where it keeps the thumb safe on the other side of bathroom mirror

this IM ive had

Xoet [11:28 A.M.]: i want out of this computer and into the world where real people are real and the sound of rain fallin in the sky

i am as if i was not being...a realization

created hints her mother earth goiter amorphousness vetches loiter so tearjerkers S theism vex split my mini bottles off the edge with there bingo void into bliss absconding the baby food... that costs too much and cry every day as the days go by ...

this is a test of the email publishing system at blog city... test 2

i think therefore i know-

i know therefore i become-

i become therefore i am-

i am therefore i exist-

i exist therefore i am real-

i am real therefore i am realized-

i am realized therefore i think.

circle logic of small eyes.

i am as if i was not being...a realization

created int her mother earth goiter amorphousness vetches loiter so tearjerkers S theism vex split my mini bottles off the edge with there bingo void into bliss absconding the baby food... that costs too much and cry every day as the days go by ...

this is a test of the email publishing system at blog city...

Lazy ppl everywhere

i am a lazy person i know but do you know that xoet 4 is also lazy cause if it were not then it would have a blog or at least a web personality...but know it does not NO now ive thought about putting a thing or two about number 4 up but ive been discouraged by my outside the box style. in the end there is just the twelve then the other twelve of the higher level and still more sets of twelve...so your told as four expresses itself here at the xoet 12 blog...personally it is difficult to press these keys for two reasons that i will not go into saying it really matters not these keys but box cutters opening the flux control...following the muse into the nite reviews its package of dismay and decay...I AM

78 odd id like substances found on my walls

According to Freud's formulation the child brings into the world an unorganized chaotic mentality called the Id, the sole aim of which is the gratification of all needs, the alleviation of hunger, self-preservation, and love, the preservation of the species.

Introduction pp 12. of The Basic Writings of Sigmund Freud. Translated and edited, with Introduction by Dr. A. A. Brill ...what does the id do when confronted to conform to the comidy of errors that circle around it? why would it do anything at all except to save some five eyed face that escaped the loony bin one too many times? straight jackets mean nothing four point restraints come and go and still id makes me well e well a gain the wait gains on time can control nothing but your mind that is not even still into the night we go on and on but where does what does how does it even cause us to notice the fruits of the front of a body that ripen and grow on a tree in the field of dreams were everything crumbles into the water fall and falls off the edge of the universe into one another whipped by visions burned by bugs bitten by snakes and the sky smiles its son of suns into my eyes where we go and go and stop by now ...

tripplets in outer space

sent streaming into unevolved galaxies of lesser known design flexing flux equations at paranoid floyd like freaks tweeeeking the envelope and shown no end is in site @ the www opening the fluid to pools of dust burns the fire higher into the nite of no end forget this time and take the ride forget the new realites with their impresssiveless bounce to the walls of my box like room where the echo of the ecology of vitamins and concentrated fish oil remember the blue waves on purple metel like faces and barbi doses and dances for the trembling times of years gone by in even less than average ambience during rushing blood from a vein of golden showers the few the many the one the only one that wants to talk to the even still the ocean and the fishes the swim will die and new fish will swim that we will not recognize that have new shapes and sizes that never die but are food to be eaten like crisp french fries that have no catsup or even the mayo that rebuilds their chemical compounds into droplets of donots that cant stuped listen to the rivers run into the stream that was sent...

I just remembered something

There are coffins filling with bugs ready to eat the dead the dead are eating and coughin smoke fills the air the sun shows the streams of smoke that make the place smell of burnt filters that never put out their cigarettes and let the filter burn in a lone ashtray full to the rim by itself waiting for contact a spark of light to deny the way that is real and true know and not blue but blown by the wind of love that never ends even when it does it starts again in nirvana over and over past present and later eyes the cigarette for there is no other smoke in the sky but clouds of cigarettes and cigars that break the breath in two in and out before and after inside and out without the bird of paradaze of lucid hands that fold the paper into a image of swan wings as it sings of nature and light that the crimson tide echoes of mountains pain of days gone by because there is real things that don't happen but think they will never escape the peace of chaos that saved the universe from Jesus and the other son's of God...Happy that every son in the sky of God that the sum of sons know the center of time into the mind of God...Resting on the sod with a cod fish dish micky smiles at the babies that play in the procession of meat packages that make me craze but you knew that and that was the reason why....

this sticky watermelon